


The Hottest Spideypool Ever!

by wolfy_writing



Category: Deadpool (2016), Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Spider-Man (Movies - Raimi), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Bring Toby and Tom and his frog!, Crayons, Give me some fucking approval now bitches!, HAWT!, I am amazeballs at drawing!, I dare you to read this!, Illustrated, Like I am amazeballs at everything!, M/M, Ryan Call me too!, So kickass your balls will explode!, Spider-Man call me!, You are my bitches because I love you, awesomesauce, no just regular illustrated this time - Freeform, or should I say killustrated - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 18:31:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13347027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfy_writing/pseuds/wolfy_writing
Summary: You, the reader, have a long-time crush on Spider-Man.  One night you see him at your window.By Wade W. Wilson.





	The Hottest Spideypool Ever!

**Author's Note:**

> The author of this fic does not endorse anything said or done by Deadpool in this fic, or ever. Do not try this at home. Just say no to Deadpool. Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Deadpool. Take it from Deadpool, you don't want to be Deadpool.

You were having a quiet evening at home, watching My Little Pony (the original, not that new one with all that annoying _plot_ and _characterization_ ), and sharpening your sword, when by your window, you saw him.

You know, _him_. The one you’ve had a crush on for years. The second-sexiest man ever to wear a skintight red costume

Spider-Man, hanging upside-down from your window. 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139518068@N07/24773253207/in/dateposted-public/)

_Check out the hearts! That’s right, glitter pens, bitches!_

 

(Think comics books, or maybe Andrew Garfield, kiddoes, not the new version. This ride is eighteen only, due to language, and holy shit, _so much_ sexual content.)

(Although the actor who plays the new one, the guy with the tiny frog in his mouth? He’s legal, right?)

(Wikipedia says he’s twenty-one! If you’re reading this, Tom Holland, call me!)

(And bring the frog!)   

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139518068@N07/24773253437/in/dateposted-public/)

_Hawt! And Tom’s not bad, either._

 

So there he was, your crush, staring right in the window, and there you were, in pink crocs, stained sweats, and a beer helmet.

In other words, looking totally fucking hot!   

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139518068@N07/24773253627/in/dateposted-public/)

_You! Drawing different outfits is hard, okay?   He started to open the window._

 

“Stop,” you said. “I have to disarm my traps first.”

He stopped, and you switched off the flamethrowers and the claymore mines.

(Dramatic license here. If you dipshits thing I’m telling you about my real traps, you’re crazier than I am.)

(And according to the last shrink I met, that’s clinically impossible.)

(Although he _was_ Doctor Bong.)

(My point is, don’t trust a super-villain to assess your sanity.  Especially if they're still wearing a bell-shaped helmet everywhere.)

You opened the window. “Spider-Man? Is it really you? Or am I hallucinating?”

“It’s me, Y/N. And I’ve always wanted to do this.”

He rolled his mask up to reveal his mouth, and gave you an intense kiss. 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139518068@N07/39611685462/in/dateposted-public/)

_TOO MANY FUCKING LINES ON YOUR COSTUME, SPIDER-MAN!  HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DRAW THOSE?_

 

You know, just like the Toby Macguire movies before they got stupid. (Toby, call me. And bring Tom Holland’s frog!)

After a long passionate kiss just like the movies, but better, because it’s me, I mean you, he finally stopped for air.

“Wow, you can hold your breath an impressively long time,” you said suavely. “I bet that comes in handy.”

Spider-Man laughed, impressed by your mature humor. “You know it, Y/N. I was swinging by the window, and I saw you in there, and I saw you sharpening your sword.”

“Wait, just know when I was sharpening my sword, or earlier when I was…’sharpening my sword’, if you know what I mean?” You paused. “Masturbating. I was masturbating.  Definitely not taking a grindstone to my dick.  You won't catch me making _that_ mistake a third time.”

“Oh, Y/N, you’re so clever and charming! I saw you…sharpening the sword, let’s say, and I was all ‘Ooh, what a long sword!”

“Nice!” You grinned. “We are talking about my dick, right?”

Spider-Man nodded. “Anyway, I realized how irresistibly sexy you were. And how much hotter Ryan Reynolds would look if someone sandblasted him.”

(Ryan, call me! And bring a sand blaster!)

“So we’re going to sandblast him?” You grinned. You’d been meaning to do that since the movie came out. Nothing against the movie, it just made the idea pop into your head, and you decided it would be funny.

“Later, Y/N. First I’m going to strip you naked, tie you up with my webbing, and make sweet love to you in every possible way.”

“Every way? Including fucking me up the ass?”

“Including that.”

Spider-Man nodded. “All of our team-ups will be nonstop fucking from now on!”

“That’s gotta go well with the comic code.”

You got super-naked and so did Spider-Man. 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139518068@N07/39611685432/in/dateposted-public/)

_These crayons don’t come in naked people colors! Let that be a lesson; never get the cheap art supplies. Just steal the good shit instead._

 

And for the rest, a picture is worth a thousand words. 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139518068@N07/39611685522/in/dateposted-public/)

_Fuck, this is hard!_

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139518068@N07/24773253647/in/dateposted-public/)

_Trust me, this is really awesome sex, okay?_

 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/139518068@N07/25770111598/in/dateposted-public/)

_FUCK DRAWING!  FUCK EVERYTHING!_

 

The End.


End file.
